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"The Old & The Restless"

A Play by Gerard Dunning

Escape has no age limit – just a walking frame, a colostomy bag, and a very bad plan

Genre: Comedy

Setting: A Retirement Home

Approximate Running Time: 30 minutes

The Old & The Restless tells the story of a group of retirement home residents who refuse to settle quietly into routine. Tired of bingo, bed checks, and the stern rule of Matron Biggs, they hatch a plan to escape.

What begins as idle chatter soon snowballs into a full-blown conspiracy, fuelled by clashing personalities, comic mishaps, and a growing sense of rebellion. As the group bickers, blunders, and stumbles through their preparations, they find strength in one another, and a reminder that mischief, friendship, and the desire for freedom don’t fade with age.

A sharp, one-act ensemble comedy with heart. The Old & The Restless thrives on strong character work, quick-fire banter, and physical humour, all set in a simple retirement home environment. It’s a playful piece that gives directors room to lean into slapstick, subtle pathos, or both, making it a versatile and crowd-pleasing addition to any season.

Characters:

  • Arthur: (Male) - Hard of hearing, refuses to wear his hearing aid, constantly mishears conversations
  • Mabel: (Female) - Reliant on her colostomy bag, frank and unashamed about it
  • Stanley: (Male) - Grumpy, contrarian, always takes the opposite view
  • Doris: (Female) - Drifts in and out of sleep (hypersomnia), often dozing mid-conversation
  • Reginald: (Male) - Ex-actor, plays everything with grandiose drama, insists on costumes/props
  • Elsie: (Female) - Anxious, never wants to be too far from a toilet
  • Matron Biggs: (Female) - Strict, overbearing, focused on routine, oblivious to the “plot”
  • Resident & Orderly: (Male or Female) - Optional small roles in the final scene

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

Currently Unavailable due to Exclusive Performance Commitments

Creative Commons License for plays by Gerard Dunning

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

Terms of Use:

Attribution:

  • You must give appropriate credit to the author, Gerard Dunning, in all promotional materials, programs, and acknowledgments related to this play.
  • You must credit the author prominently in the performance credits (e.g., "Written by Gerard Dunning").

Non-Commercial Use:

  • This play may not be used for commercial purposes without explicit permission from the author.

Notification of Performance:

  • Any individual or organisation intending to perform Plays by Gerard Dunning must notify the author prior to the performance, providing the following details:
  • Production Company Name
  • Director's Name
  • Full Cast Names
  • Performance Dates
  • Performance Location (including venue and city/town)

ShareAlike:

  • If you adapt, remix, or build upon this work, you must distribute your contributions under the same license as the original.

No Additional Restrictions:

  • You may not apply legal terms or technological measures that legally restrict others from doing anything the license permits.

Contact:

Please send performance details to: [email protected]

For further clarification or to request commercial use rights, contact the author directly.

By proceeding with any performance of Plays by Gerard Dunning, you agree to adhere to the terms of this license.

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